What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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