So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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