me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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