You're earring is so big in my mouth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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