I just pynch a tree in the face
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
