I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
