i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
