Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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