hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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