upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
