I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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