i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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