If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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