just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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