i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
