Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
