I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
