laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
