I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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