UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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