Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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