There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
