Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
