I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
