Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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