You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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