the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
