I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
