It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Vodka?
Forever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
