didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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