She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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