I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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