I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
