she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
