Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
