I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
