You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
