It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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