brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
