We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
