There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
