Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
