I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
