More tranny stories later!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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