Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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