omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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