Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My bed smells like the plague
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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