so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
