There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
