Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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