What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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